He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
