just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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