Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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