I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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