Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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