Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
