genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
