I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
