I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
