1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
