I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
