At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
50% drunk capacity currently
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
