Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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