sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
