you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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