i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
