goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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