Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
