I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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