We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
