I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
