Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
