I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
