You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
