She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize