I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
