She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
