Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
