just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
