i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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