I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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