Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
