My Higher Power is John Stamos
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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