So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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