Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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