he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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