FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
