I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
