so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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