1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
