haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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