If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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