the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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