My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
