btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
