I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I didn't shave. On purpose
My cat gives me a boner
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
