i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
