My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
