So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
