you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
